3 Years Old

My three year old continues to keep me on my toes. That’s right – she just turned three!

We started potty training back in November. Things went really well, overall, though getting her to go #2 on the toilet was a challenge. But, we persisted, and she eventually got it, and was what I would consider fully day trained within a few months. However…. About a month ago she started having accidents again, wetting her pants several times a day, shortly after having gone in the toilet. We explored all the reasons we could think of, including having her checked for a bowel blockage and UTI, both negative. It seems the problem is behavioral, though I still can’t pinpoint what exactly is going on. Nothing has changed in our lives; there’s no clear reason why she would suddenly be having accidents. The only thing I can think of is that she’s simply being lazy and not emptying her bladder completely when she does go, or she’s just too distracted to even realize that she needs to go. It really is mysterious, which makes it hard to fix. We’re working on approaching it with positivity and not letting her see our frustration, but it’s hard, especially since we know she can do it.

On a more positive note, she’s actually sleeping through the night most nights! I can’t tell you how or why – it just happened. After years of struggling, she just started sleeping. Naps are now a thing of the past (except for once or twice a week at daycare), which, oddly enough, does not have an effect on how well she sleeps. Not napping usually means an earlier bedtime, but I honestly can’t attribute the not napping to the sleeping through the night.

Imaginative play is really starting to take off. She loves to take care of her babies: comforting them, feeding them, putting them to bed. She adores Peppa Pig, and has quite the collection of figures and accessories, with which she creates all kinds of stories and scenarios.

She’s taking an interest in learning to write letters and numbers. Thankfully, there’s an app for that (probably quite a few apps, actually, but we really love LetterSchool), and she’s getting quite good at it. She can’t quite write her name yet, but she can spell it and type it.

One of the things I love the most is that we can now have real conversations. I can ask her what she did that day at daycare, how she felt about it, and what she would like to do in the future, and she will have answers for almost all of it. When we read books, she likes to talk about the stories when we’re done.

C has been going to gymnastics/tumbling once a week since May, and has recently graduated to the next level, which means she won’t have my help anymore. She will need to pay attention to the coaches on her own. Her first class is tonight, and I’m a little nervous about how she’ll do.

Current obsessions:

  • Peppa Pig
  • Llama Llama books
  • the color green
  • her iPad

Long story short: C is a super awesome kid! She’s growing and changing every day. It doesn’t make me sad, though. I love seeing her change and grow, learn and gain independence. My parenting dream has always been about raising a good human, and though there was lots I loved about the baby stage, most of that was about survival. Now, it’s all about showing her how the world works and helping her find her place in it.


It’s a Major Award!


I was nominated by the beautiful Lauren at On Fecund Thought for this wonderful blogging “award,” which, let’s face it, is really just homework in disguise. I kid, of course! I’m very flattered that you thought of me, Lauren! I like these awards, because they allow us to learn more about each other, beyond our regularly scheduled blog posts.

First, the Rules:

  1. Link to the person who nominated you.
  2. Add the award logo.
  3. Answer the questions your nominator asked.
  4. Nominate 7 other blogs.
  5. Ask your nominees 10 questions.

Here are my answers:

What is something you are really good at?

Hmmm… there are so many to choose from! *winky face* I’m great at organizing, because I love to make lists. Mmmmm….. LISTS!

What do you wish you were better at?

Decorating. I usually end up with an “eclectic” look, but it’s really just because I have no idea what I’m doing, and pick up things I like here and there, without any thought as to how they go together. Right now my house is an empty canvas, but I have no idea where to start.

What has your loss / infertility journey taught you about life?

Almost everyone has had some sort of tragedy in life, whether infant loss, infertility, loss of a parent or sibling or close friend, disease, homelessness, etc. My journey has taught me to be sensitive to these things, and not assume everyone else has led a charmed life, because the truth is, most of us haven’t.

Paper diary or digital calendar?

Digital, all the way!

Where did you meet your other half?

We met online, through personal ads. Funny story: Turns out we had a friend in common, so we probably would have met eventually.

What are you wearing right now?

Right now, I’m wearing my work day basics: black slacks, sleeveless blouse, knit shrug/sweater thing, flat shoes.

When did you discover you could write?

Can I write? I can string words together to form sentences (I’m a grammar whiz), and every so often those words and sentences might join forces to create something interesting or funny, but I’m not sure I can write. In college, I realized that I could write better than most of my peers, at least when it came to research. But, the creative stuff? Essays? Meh. I took creative writing, but my work was embarrassingly cliche.

What is your favourite time of day, and why?

In general, I love mornings! Not so early that it’s pitch dark, but early enough that the world is still relatively quiet and most people aren’t exhausted from the day’s activities yet. People just seem nicer and the world calmer and more full of hope in the morning hours.

Lately, my favorite time of the day is 5:00 pm, when I leave work and pick my daughter up from daycare. Seeing her smiling face light up when I walk in the door is priceless! Our cuddle and nursing time when we get home is something I wouldn’t trade for anything.

What piece of wisdom would you give your ten-year-old self?

Fuck what other people think about you. Embrace your passions, even if others tell you they’re stupid. You are awesome!

What’s the farthest from home you’ve travelled?

It’s a near tie between San Francisco and Washington, D.C., but San Francisco wins by about 30 miles. Washington, D.C., however, was the first time I had been farther than one state away from home. I was in the 8th grade, representing our state at some national history competition. Our topic was the Dead Sea scrolls. San Francisco came much later, in my early 20s. I visited my best friend in Reno, NV, where she was living at the time, and we took a side trip to the coast. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that in between those two trips, I didn’t wander farther than about 500 miles from home. I love the idea of travel, but I’m intimidated by it and I would much rather stay close to home.

Ok, so now I’m supposed to nominate 7 other blogs. Feel free to nominate yourself, too!

My Lady Bits
Not So New To IVF
Pregnancy Pause
Ambivalent Journey
A Neon Princess
Our Last Embryo
You and Me Are Family

The 10 questions you must answer:

What is your favorite book of all time and why?

What is your proudest accomplishment?

What is your favorite memory?

If you could do anything you wanted right now, what would you do?

What did you want to be when you were young?

If you were to create a piece of art, what would the subject be, or what would the medium be? (Or both, if you wish.)

How do you want to be remembered?

What’s your greatest talent?

How do you get to work?

Create your own question! Ask and answer, anything you want.

Nephews and Aunts

Lucky me, I wasn’t in limbo for long. Good old Aunt Flo showed her ugly face just two days after my last post. As usual, she kicked my ass, but, thankfully, she waited until after a super fun Friday afternoon with my nephews. Just barely. It was on the short drive home after dropping them off that the unbearable cramps and backache began. By the time I crawled up the two flights to my apartment, I was in tears. I popped some Percocet left over from my laparoscopy in October, showered, and watched TV as a sweet wave of happy relaxed my body and flooded my brain.

But, before my uterus attempted to self-destruct, I had an awesome afternoon at the amusement park with my nephews, Bean (7) and Luigi (4). (Not their real names, which should be obvious, but people come up with such stupid odd unique names these days, I thought I should clarify. Bean is short for “jumping bean,” and Luigi is for the kid obsessed with the Mario Brothers, Luigi being his favorite.) Poor Luigi, really really really wanted to drive the go-carts and bumper cars, but even for a 4-year-old, he’s quite small. He accepted the news gracefully, though, and made the most of the teacup ride (which left auntie’s stomach churning), kiddie roller coaster, and bouncy house.

Funny story…. Last summer, my sister arranged for an inflatable bouncy house at our family reunion. In order to stay inflated, it had to be plugged into a power source the entire time. Well, this is potluck territory, which means there were no fewer than 10 crockpots all plugged into the only outlet at the park (via an intricate system of extension cords and power strips). Every so often, the outlet would overload, causing the motor to quit working on the bouncy house and the entire thing would deflate instantly – with kids still inside it! The supervising adults would yell for the kids to exit NOW, wait for it to re-inflate, then start the whole process over again. The kids thought it was hilarious, the parents didn’t seem concerned, but I was stressed out the entire time. From that day on, whenever Luigi sees an inflatable bouncy house, he asks, “Is it going to fall?” It doesn’t deter him from having fun.

Bean ran into a few friends from school, so, being the cool aunt, I let him run wild with them for a while. He schooled them on the go-carts, and fearlessly rode all the “scary” rides. (It’s a mild amusement park, even by podunk standards. There’s not a single ride a 7-year-old can’t ride.) Bean is such an awesome big brother that he made time to ride the kiddie roller coaster a few times with Luigi, even though he was almost too big to fit in the seat.

It was a beautiful afternoon, and I had the best time with my boys. There were a few moments when my heart broke a little watching all the parents with their kids, desperately wishing I was one of them. One of the employees referred to me as “mom,” which made me feel both happy and sad at the same time. I didn’t bother to correct him.

I’m so grateful that I had that wonderful afternoon with truly the best two kids you can imagine, because it made the disappointment of another failed cycle a little more bearable. It’s not the same as having my own kids, but I’m so very thankful that I get to play an active role in their lives, not just as the aunt who spoils the hell out of them, but also as a teacher and a guide. I know that even if I can’t have kids of my own, I do have the opportunity to impart some of my values and knowledge to my nephews, which they will then (hopefully) pass along to the next generation in some way.