About This Blog

Having a baby cures childlessness; it does NOT cure infertility.

(July 30, 2015) When I started this blog in November 2012, I was nearly 2 years into trying to conceive. I had suffered a miscarriage early in my journey, followed by many months of failed attempts to get pregnant. I was eventually diagnosed with endometriosis and low AMH, and referred to an infertility specialist. This blog begins with my first treatment cycle with my RE, and follows my journey through many treatment cycles, and eventually pregnancy and birth. The original purpose of writing was to give myself an outlet for all the bitterness and anger I felt due to my infertility. It was a way to anonymously vent about things that my family and friends, no matter how supportive they were, just would not understand. This blog still serves that purpose, though now related to the challenges of parenting as an infertile (and sometimes just parenting in general).

Some people mistakenly think that having a baby means one is no longer infertile. That’s simply not true. It’s not true in the medical sense, and it’s certainly not true in the emotional sense. No matter how many babies I have, I will always be infertile. My thoughts and feelings about it may change over time and in response to life events, but that one fact of my identity will never change.

Read my intro post to learn more about my miscarriage and infertility history.

Until February 12, 2014, this blog was called “Yet Another Bitter Infertile.” I changed it to “Forever Infertile” to honor its evolving nature.


13 thoughts on “About This Blog

  1. writing is indeed an incredible kind of therapy, and i’m happy you have a place to vent and rail and drain all of the emotional abscesses. IF/ttc is a horrible rollercoaster of a ride, and i sincerely hope that you won’t be on it much longer… that you’ll get that BFP which leads to a sticky bean. the best of wishes to you.

  2. I have many of the same bitter feelings as you. At times, it shocks me how much resentment I feel towards regular fertile and pregnant women. I have been pregnant twice- but only after emptying our bank account for ivf. Sadly, both ended in miscarriages and still no baby in my arms– just resentment, anger and bitterness. I fight it everyday- not to be consumed by bitterness and hate. I just want this journey to end. I don’t know how to even make it.

    • I’m so sorry for your losses. It’s a daily struggle for me, too. The best thing I did was to start this blog and connect with others through Twitter. I didn’t think anyone would even read my blog; I just hoped to use it as a journal. I’ve found nothing but compassion and understanding from the IF community. I still have days when I feel like I won’t make it through, but I always do, thanks in large part to the outpouring of support from strangers. I hope you can find the same comfort and a way to cope with all the bitterness and anger.

  3. To the lovely lady that writes this blog, I was surfing
    feeling sorry for myself yet again, and I typed in bitter without a baby, and your heartfelt, and very real blog came up. It was meant to be today,
    I cried yesterday because a new mom was talking about needing diapers.
    :(… it was awful and very unexpected,
    I have been crying myself to sleep more often lately, dear husband doesn’t know, & when I read in your older posts that you have cried yourself,
    I felt not so alone, & thanks for not sugar coating how it feels for others,
    Because it sucks & they have no idea what we go through mentally physically on a daily basis, when reading the infertile friend blog post, it made me feel a little more justified in my frustrations with my friends, don’t have many left, they have all procreated and ditched me. 😦 don’t have much to talk about when your the downer in the group, now they have just restored to guessing ”when” behind my back 😦 I’ll be 36 in Oct, and i want to thank you for taking the time to write, don’t know what to say BUT…. THANK YOU! you touched another life today! I hope the life you are longing to have Touches you, & sticks hard! may your baby be on the way soon. Keep the HOPE alive, you did for me today
    love a fellow lady

    • Heather, I’m so glad you found me! The worst part about infertility is that it often leaves one feeling so alone. But, as you can see from the comments and the other blogs I follow, we infertiles are NOT alone. There’s a huge online community. We help each other cope and heal, even though we are strangers. If you want to join us, follow me on Twitter. I can help connect you to lots of supportive, wonderful women who know exactly what you are going through. Feel free to email me any time you need to talk.

      P.S. I’ll also be 36 in October.

  4. Pingback: Thoughts on Becoming a Bitter Infertile | A Neon Princess

  5. Ahh great not another infertility blog in which another infertile ends up spawning in the end, g, give us a break and leave the infertility blogging to us real bitter infertiles!

    • I forgive you for completely belittling my painful journey, because I know your words come from a place of deep pain. Wherever you are on your journey, wherever you may end up, I wish you peace.

    • Yes I agree. “Surviving Infertility” seems to be the answer is – having a BAYYYBEEE. What about the rest of us who will NEVER HAVE A BABY. I’m a double whammy. Single and childless and 40+. It AINT NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. These sort of sites should be shut down immediately once the BAYYYBEEEE is born, now she’s whining about lack of sleep and how much she hates breast pumping. And then smugly wishes us “peace”. UGH. You are a traitor traitor traitor. Forever Infertile means just that doesn’t it? NO BABIES. THE END.

      • I’m sorry you are so unhappy with your situation. I know deeply the pain of wanting a child, and not being able to have one. But that’s where our similarities end. I’m unclear as to why you decided to take your anger out on an INFERTILITY blogger who has also suffered the loss of a pregnancy. I’m not saying that my hurt is greater than yours, but that it’s cruel to attempt to shame a woman who has been through the anguish of miscarriage and infertility. I know you’re not going to read this (a troll who provides a fake email address to leave a nasty comment rarely comes back to the scene of the crime), but I wanted to address the whole idea that having a baby cures infertility: It doesn’t. End of story. Unless my endometriosis miraculously disappears and my ovaries suddenly start working properly, I will always be infertile.

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