I’m so tired of my malfunctioning reproductive system. My cycle is all over the place. The only thing I can count on is my consistently short luteal phase. My ovulation day is anywhere from CD17 to CD28, which means my overall cycle is anywhere from 26 to 37 days long.
Not that it matters. Even if we try try, the odds of getting pregnant are slim.
I know what I should do, but I’m having a hard time with the idea of being done with TTC forever. But I also recognize that hoping for a spontaneous pregnancy at almost 40, with infertility, is not doing me any good.
I need to focus on getting healthy, both mentally and physically. I need to work on my marriage and friendships. I need to step up my game at my job. I can’t do any of those things with this huge, constant distraction infiltrating all aspects of my life.
The fucked up thing is that I don’t actually want to get pregnant right now. I’m very overweight – the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m overwhelmed by pretty much everything. I’m exhausted. I have zero time for self-care. Not to mention all the anxiety that would likely come with another pregnancy. If I were to ever get pregnant again, I would want to be in a much better place.
The only logical conclusion is to go back on the birth control pill. Or maybe an IUD. I think I need to, for my own emotional well-being.