I’m a Loser Again!

Starting weight:  236

Current weight:  214

Weight loss so far: 22 pounds

After being stuck in quite the weight loss rut for the last couple of months, I’m finally back to ticking off the pounds. I kind of “yo-yoed” for a while, gaining and losing, gaining and losing. I toyed with giving up the diet, but my coach convinced me to keep going, and I’m so glad she did. The truth is, I feel so much better staying on plan (which is very low carb, high fat, moderate protein). The times I’ve indulged too much in carbs, I’ve paid for it with stomach pains and a general feeling of “blah.” I still struggle with carving out “me time” and exercise, but I figure one challenge at a time is enough. This food thing is a BIG challenge for me. Though I’ve always known I needed to make life long changes to my food choices, it’s only now just dawning on me that my current plan is probably going to be permanent. By that I mean that for the rest of my life, I’m going to have to avoid carbs for the most part. I’m not unique in this way, I know, but it does surprise me a little. At the start of this, I thought one day I would be able to go back to eating bread and pasta on a regular basis, but now I don’t see that happening. And I’m totally okay with that. As long as I always remember how awful I feel after eating that stuff.

In other news….

My little monkey is closing in on 20 months! Life with a toddler is crazy. And amazing. And frustrating. And exhausting. And fun. Seeing her learn new skills and new words seemingly overnight is incredible. Here are some things she’s done or said recently that have made me delight in parenthood:

When greeting the cats: “Hi! How’s it going?”

Counting to six.

Naming the colors purple, yellow, blue, green, and brown.

Asking “What’s this?” followed immediately by the answer.

Feeding her dolls and putting them to bed.

Chatting to herself before falling asleep.

Goes to bed calmly without any resistance.

It’s not all puppies and rainbows, of course. She IS a toddler after all. She throws tantrums, insists on doing things on her own that she simply cannot do, demands to watch a certain show then promptly throws a fit as soon as it starts, and gets sick all the time (and shares it with us). She’s at an age where she wants me to play with her all the time, but I simply can’t (and, quite honestly, don’t want to), leading to feelings of guilt and resentment. I’m so exhausted all the time, I rarely have the energy to do the things I really want to do, like finish knitting the blanket I started for her loooong ago, or read a book, or watch a movie that isn’t animated, or do chores without interruption. I know every age, every stage, is fleeting and things will change and probably soon, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier right now. That stuff I listed above makes it better, and as much as I want those things to cancel out the negatives, they simply do not. The good and the bad all just swirl together, which is pretty much all of life, right?

12 thoughts on “I’m a Loser Again!

  1. You go girl with the weight loss! I lost 12 pounds when I left the hospital, but now have a daunting 35 to go… I’ve just started working out again (thank God for all of the streaming options – I manage to do 20 or 30 minutes of resistance work while D is watching Thomas the Train). As for the guilt thing? I know ALL ABOUT THAT. We have a live in au pair to help with this next year of moving and having a small baby, but I still find myself doing things for me (writing, talking to friends, sometimes exercise) when D sleeps. I feel guilty if I spend the morning writing while the au pair plays with D. I still change all the diapers. It’s just a mom thing I guess!

  2. Awesome job! I’m also trying to do the low carb thing, but my love for bread and pasta is too strong. I wish I remembered how horrible I feel after eating all that, but I never seem to remember until I’ve indulged too much.

    Toddlerhood is not an easy season of life. As much as I tell myself that letting K do things on his own will allow him to learn, I find myself getting frustrated easily, and end up doing things for him. It’s amazing how they seem to learn things overnight!

  3. Holy moly! My hat’s off to you and your amazing weight loss so far. Carbs make me feel blah and bloated as well. Although they are my comfort food and general weakness. Keep it up and keep going.

    Before you know it your toddler will be a young child and reading and writing. I know it’s not always puppies and roses, but take time to soak in those good moments when they come around. Also, know it’s okay to feel tired in the midst of constant interruptions. You aren’t the only mama who feels that way for sure.

  4. Way to go! I’m losing weight too–about 10-15 lbs to go before I’ll be at my “fighting weight”. I’ve found that portion sizes, moderate carbs (mostly complex carbs like sweet potato or brown rice), and moderate exercise work for me (and breastfeeding). It’s those simple carbs (bread, pasta, sugar) that are the devil! I’ve finally gone back to the gym and it feels so good to do something for myself after a year devoted to serving BG’s purposes (happily, but still it’s taxing). Congrats on your progress!

    BG has entered toddlerhood. The tantrums… and she cannot articulate yet so I have to make educated guesses (which I do ok). It’s exhausting and since I’m with her 24/7 I perpetually have to manufacture enthusiasm and conjure patience… which sometimes I just. can. not.

    • But those simple carbs are so delicious! Breastfeeding was my downfall. I was so hungry all the time, but didn’t have the time to cook properly. My awesome husband had prepared a ton of freezer meals before C was born, but it was a lot of pasta. Plus all the ready made snacks, like granola bars, were just packed with sugar. I didn’t care at the time – I was in survivor mode! Now I wish I had made better choices.

      • I feel you–I gained weight those first few months due to convenience foods/sugar cravings, not enough sleep, thyroid wonky-ness, etc. But after 6 months my weight started to slowly come off because I was still nursing, became more active and ate better (and my thyroid stepped up). I’ve dropped 22lbs in the last 6 months. The sugar cravings finally died down. Then I started drinking too much caffeine, so trying to curb that habit now. It’s always something! XO

  5. Congrats on sticking with the low-carb diet! Fighting those cravings seriously takes a lot of fortitude (more than I can muster on any given day)! As for toddlerhood–it’s great in a lot of ways, but it sure is exhausting. I still feel like I’m in survival mode some days! But it’s so much fun to see them learn and become more independent. Unless, you know, I actually have to get somewhere but my two-year-old has to stop to pick up ALL THE PINECONES. It sounds like C is doing great!

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