Stuck

For the past month, I’ve been stuck at the same weight. That’s actually the good news. The bad news is that it’s because I’m largely out of control (again) with my eating. Obviously, I’m not as out of control as in the past, otherwise I would have gained weight. But it’s still rather upsetting for me. Things were going so well, and then I started cheating a little here and there, adding in an extra snack (or two or three), or ignoring portion sizes. Once I started, I couldn’t stop.

Part of it is the anxiety of my upcoming FET. It’s still more than 2 months away at this point, but I’m already on edge. My husband and I gave it the old college try during (what we thought was) our last natural cycle before I started birth control – no temping, but I did use OPKs – and of course I didn’t get pregnant. In fact, good old Aunt Flow showed up just 7 days after I ovulated. Nice, huh? The nurse had instructed me to notify her when I got my period in March, which turned out to be March 1. I assumed I would be starting birth control at that point, but the RE said I couldn’t, that I would be on it for too long before my baseline, which could cause me to become too suppressed.

So, we technically have one more try to make a baby the good old fashioned way. But I don’t want another try. It’s too stressful. Besides, my LP is pretty much nonexistent at a whopping 7 days, so even if one of my lazy ovaries released an egg, and even if that egg were half decent, and even if that egg managed to navigate through my mangled Fallopian tube and meet up for a party with the hubs’s sperm, and even if the two combined in a chromosomally normal fashion, it wouldn’t stand much of a chance in my stupid, trigger happy uterus. But then I feel guilty for not wanting to try, because I know some couples would kill for the chance. And, hey, who wouldn’t love to save $6,000? Sigh.

I suppose I should just stay focused on my weight loss journey. That, at least, is a much more realistic goal. I just have to get myself unstuck.

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4 thoughts on “Stuck

  1. Ugh. I’m sorry you’re stuck! 😦 I’m doing better because I’m working out and eating crap…instead of JUST eating crap…but the eating crap needs to taper off, too. GRRR.

  2. Hey there. I had horrendous anxiety before my recent FET. I don’t know what set it off, I guess the raised stakes of there being a possibility of things working seemed to make the worrying worse (which doesn’t make sense at all but hey!) I think trying to focus on weight loss and being in control of your life in other ways is a good way to help. Unfortunately our FET ended in a chemical last week and so we’re gearing up for another FET, probably in May as well. I’ve just started a blog (its very very new and not totally updated with our story so far, but I’m working on it). If you want to take a look see https://wonkygenes.wordpress.com/

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