I know every parent says this, but I can hardly believe that my daughter is a year old already!
Just two years ago, on the cusp of IVF, we didn’t know if we would ever be parents. IVF was a scary thought – a lot of money for a small chance at parenthood. It was our last resort, we had decided together. My RE didn’t give us great odds – with my low AMH, she said we could expect 4-5 eggs, and possibly have one embryo to transfer, nothing to freeze. We were elated when they retrieved 9 eggs, transferred 2 embryos, and froze 3. That two week wait was the craziest emotional roller coaster ride of my journey, by far. When we learned that both embryos implanted, I was pretty shocked. One was only half the size of the other, so we pretty much knew that twins weren’t in our immediate future right away, but still I think back to that time and get a little sad that I basically had another blighted ovum. My medical chart still mentions something about a twin pregnancy, but the whole idea that I almost had twins is a bit surreal to me. If this had been a “normal” (i.e. non-IVF pregnancy), I wouldn’t have even known about the twin, most likely.
But back to the topic at hand. I have a one year old. A toddler! She is simply amazing. I love watching her work things out on her own, like figuring out how to stand up without help, and fitting different shapes into the right spaces. I keep expecting her to get frustrated with her lack of coordination and tactile agility, and sometimes she does, but not often. Already I see that she prefers to figure things out on her own, and that she won’t accept help unless she asks for it.
Even though I hate when people call her this, my daughter is a mama’s girl. She makes it known that she wants no one except me, and she won’t let me leave a room – or even cross one – without her. She can wander away from me, but if I take a step away from her, boy, do I hear about it! I love that she’s so attached to me, but it makes things really difficult, like leaving her with a babysitter, or even with her dad. I can’t get much done around the house, which causes tension between me and my husband. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal, but day to day, it’s a struggle. Soon, she will be more independent, and I’ll be longing for the days she wanted only me.
The most surprising thing to come out of this past year is that I don’t lack instinct after all! I always used to snark when people talked about following their gut, but my gut instinct has served me very well during this past year. It told me that my daughter had more than a cold – it turned out to be RSV and she needed a nebulizer to help her breathe. It told me that letting her cry it out to sleep was not right for us, despite her doctor and others telling me that we needed to do it if we ever wanted to sleep again. There are other examples, but these were the big ones. I am so much more confident now that I know what is best for my daughter and my family. That’s huge for me!