Have I “Beat Infertility”?

I suppose it depends on what you mean by “beat.” Some people interpret the phrase as overcoming infertility by finally holding a long-awaited-for baby in one’s arms. For others, it means rising above infertility by not allowing it to consume them.

When I was asked to consider being a guest on a new podcast called “Beat Infertility,” my first instinct was to say “But I haven’t beaten infertility. I may have my daughter, but I’m still very much infertile.” After I visited the Beat Infertility website, I understood that the creator was referring to the second meaning: in her words, “taking back control” over infertility. This is certainly something I’ve been striving to achieve personally through my blog, so I decided to take the leap and contribute my story to the podcast. (As of today, I don’t know when my episode will air, but I will post an update with the information as soon as I know.)

Ever since the interview, I’ve been thinking about the idea of beating or overcoming infertility. Some days, I kick infertility in the balls with my super-charged coping skills. Other days, I’m overcome with jealousy by a pregnancy announcement from a fellow infertile (followed immediately by intense guilt), and I crawl into a hole of self-pity. All that averages out to merely surviving it, I guess.

And there’s nothing wrong with mere survival. It’s a worthy goal, a necessary goal, for many of us. At the end of every interview, the host asks what words of hope we would offer to someone just starting on their infertility journey. I realize hope is a heated topic in the infertility community, and I’ve certainly struggled with the concept myself. I don’t remember my exact words, but the message I wanted to convey was that no matter the outcome, you can survive infertility. It may not feel that way at times, and it may take a lot of work, but I believe that everyone who faces infertility can survive it. Maybe I’m speaking out of turn here, since my journey does include a child of my own, but I believe that even if your journey doesn’t include children, you can be okay – you can still survive, even beat, infertility. (I’m sure some will disagree with me, and I’m fine with that.)

I will always be infertile, but, some day, I hope to be able to say with confidence that I have beaten infertility once and for all – that the evil demon no longer has control over me and my thoughts about my self-worth… that it no longer dictates how I react to a pregnancy announcement or the sight of a pregnant belly. Some day… most likely when I’m finished trying to get pregnant for good. But, for now, I’m still hovering around surviving.

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5 thoughts on “Have I “Beat Infertility”?

  1. Great honest post that I think is so important for people in the trenches to read.

    I think it’s possible for everyone to beat infertility no matter how their journey ends even without kids. Though I don’t think that everyone does beat infertility. Becoming a parent does make it easier but that doesn’t come without its challenges or guarantee that you will beat it.

    Wishing you the best hoping that you beat infertility one day.

  2. You’ve put into words exactly what I’ve been feeling lately. I have B, yet I still consider myself infertile and find myself in tears several times a week that my period still hasn’t made an appearance and probably won’t. I haven’t beat it yet.

  3. I am a parent and pregnant with my second child(knock on wood). Have I beat Infertility? No and I dont think I ever will. It still stings me when people say they just got
    pregnant just by chance and assume that 2 pink lines on the pee stick = carry home baby. It still hurts that I had to “earn” my baby and deposit truck loads of money and put myself in debt to have him. I dont think I will ever get to a place and say its ok I had so many moscarriages but at least I have my kids now.

  4. Pingback: That One Time I Was on a Podcast | Forever Infertile

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