And yours probably will, too, by the time you read all this. Sorry – I didn’t have the energy to make it shorter.
I don’t even know where to start, because all these event, thoughts, and feelings are swirling like mad inside my head. I suppose boring old bullet points will do.
- We bought a house. Almost. We haven’t closed yet, but we’re in the home stretch. We didn’t expect to start looking for a home until this time next year, when we would have enough money saved for a down payment. When we mentioned this to my in-laws, they said, “No, you’re doing this now,” and gave us a generous loan to cover the down payment. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate their help.
- Up until yesterday, the home-buying process was proceeding relatively smoothly. I won’t get into the boring details, but the gist is we are now responsible for costs much higher than disclosed by the seller’s agent. So high, it would have drastically changed our original offer. Our agent assumed some of the blame, as she neglected to double-check. So, she and the other agent scrambled all day to contact the sellers to renegotiate. They refused, so their agent – who made the original mistake – offered to give up part of her commission to close the gap. We took it. Though I make it sound like a minor bump in the road, it felt like a mountain yesterday. M was furious. He talked of filing complaints with the realtors association, as well as potentially suing both agents. We did get it all sorted by the end of the day, but M is still angry about the whole thing and just can’t let it go. I’m plenty mad, too, but far more understanding and forgiving than M.
- My sisters have set a date for my baby shower – July 27! I don’t know the details yet, but they are honoring my request to make it an informal, coed event, more like a backyard barbecue. The whole thing makes me nervous on a couple levels. 1) I hate being the center of attention – I always have. Even though technically the shower is about the baby, and this baby has two parents, the baby is currently inside of me, so by default, I’m at the center of this. 2) Part of me still can’t believe we’re taking a baby home in ~3 months. I have no reason to believe anything will go wrong, but that doesn’t stop my mind from considering worst case scenarios. Bad things happen and we are not immune.
- M is already talking about when we should start trying for #2. I get it – I’m a planner, too, and we’re not getting any younger – but I’m not ready to start thinking about this. M would like to try naturally for a while (ha!) and start trying as soon as I’m medically cleared to be pregnant again. I think he’s going to change his tune once he realizes how hard it is with just one baby. As for me, at this point, I don’t think I’d like to start trying until this baby is at least a year old. I’ll be 38. And I’d rather go straight to FET with our remaining 3 embryos than ride the awful rollercoaster of TTC naturally. If FET doesn’t work, then we can try naturally until we decide we’re too old. Wait… what the hell?! It’s insane to be thinking about this, right?
- I have my gestational diabetes screening on Tuesday. It’s just the one hour test and I don’t have to fast for it. I’m terrified I’ll fail and have to take the 3 hour test, and fail that one, too. Again, no real reason to believe that, and it won’t be the end of the world if I do end up with GD, but I’m worried anyway. It’s like I can’t believe that this pregnancy will be problem-free. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I want there to be a problem, but at least I wouldn’t feel crazy anymore if there were. Like, something going wrong would mean my fears were valid. Man, that’s messed up, isn’t it?
I think that sums it all up. Overall, I’m feeling pretty good and most of the time I’m happy and relaxed. It’s just that every so often my mind is consumed by irrational fears or I get lost down the rabbit hole of what-ifs. But that’s only like 20% of the time.