I feel like a terrible person.
I belong to a loosely organized support group on Facebook for women who are pregnant or trying to get pregnant after losing a child. I’ve only been a member for a few months, so I don’t know everyone and their stories very well. Some have had early losses, some late. Some have lost infants. Some have lost several children. Some are also infertile, but most are pretty damn fertile.
Yesterday, one of them announced her BFP. After her loss, she and her fiance decided to put TTC on hold until after their wedding, which was ONE MONTH ago. I don’t know how long ago her loss was or whether she’s had more than one. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I was angry when I saw that she was pregnant already. One month?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME!
It shouldn’t surprise me. It’s not an infertility support group.
I’m happy for her, I really am. But, man, does this sting. And I feel like a jerk because of it. It’s not only her, either. Another woman recently got pregnant unexpectedly just 5 months after her son was born. Actually, she’s one of the infertile ones, so you’d think I’d be especially excited for her. Nope. I’m mostly jealous and annoyed, because I secretly hope the same will happen to me, even though I know the odds are slim.
It’s yet another example of how infertility hurts like hell no matter where I am in my journey. And, even though I’m connected to lots of people who share experiences similar to mine, I still feel alone. I guess we all have a unique situation that makes us feel like we don’t really belong fully to any one group.