The F-Word

In my last post, I stated that we probably wouldn’t “go public” with our pregnancy quite yet. Well, that all changed just a few hours after clicking “Publish.” During dinner that night, I mentioned to M that I was feeling more excited about this pregnancy and that I was tempted to start telling more people.

“There’s an easy way to tell everyone we know all at once,” he replied.

“You mean…. FACEBOOK? You think we’re ready for that?”

“Why not?”

Good question. I’ve always been a proponent of sharing pregnancy news early. We did the first time, and I was planning to tell early again. Part of me has wanted to tell the entire world for weeks now, but part of me felt like this still wasn’t real, and the thought of talking about my pregnancy to anyone and everyone made me feel a little sick. However, something changed last week. Maybe it was simply a matter of seeing the heartbeat and appropriate growth for the third week in a row. Or maybe something shifted in me. I’m still scared that something might go wrong, but that worry is trumped by some pretty strong (normal) first time mom worries, like how I’m going to haul my big pregnant butt up two flights of stairs to our apartment in the middle of summer, and how we’re going to keep the cats from sleeping in the bassinet.

OMG, she’s still on Facebook? And thinking of announcing her pregnancy at 9 weeks? Isn’t that against the rules of being infertile?

I know at least some of you are thinking that, and you’re not entirely wrong. I’ve had many a day ruined by yet another pregnancy announcement. The last thing I wanted was to beΒ thatΒ woman who made another infertile want to throw her computer out the window. But, over the years, I’ve trimmed my Facebook friends list to include mostly family members and close friends, all whom I know well enough to know that I’m pretty much the only one with infertility issues. Plus, literally everyone on my friends list has kids, with the exception of my sister and 2 close friends (who chose not to have kids). So, there really wasn’t too great of a chance that I might inadvertently upset someone.

Furthermore, both M and I felt like we have earned the privilege of sharing our good news through social media, just like everyone else. We’re both active on Facebook, so it only makes sense.

We didn’t actually decide to post anything that night, but as soon as we got home, M scanned our most recent ultrasound and posted it to his Facebook page… without any actual information. (Men!) So, it was up to me to post a “proper” announcement, which I did. I won’t post the exact text, but I did reference our difficult journey, including the miscarriage and IVF, and how we were thrilled that it was finally our turn. The responses were overwhelmingly positive. I even learned that a college friend and his wife did fertility treatments to have their son, so that was a nice surprise.

Overall, I’m glad we shared now. Part of my mission is to eradicate the notion that couples should wait until the second trimester. It’s obviously a very personal choice, and if someone wants to wait, I don’t have a problem with that. However, I want people to know that it’s okay to tell early, because there’s no truly “safe” point in pregnancy. I believe it should be celebrated early, and if (god forbid) something bad happens, that should be shared, too. Again, it’s a personal decision, but I’d really like to see more people talking openly about miscarriage, instead of keeping it a secret, as if there’s something shameful about it. I’m practicing what I preach.

So, yeah…. We announced on Facebook at 9 weeks, and the world didn’t end.

At least we didn’t do it this way.


21 thoughts on “The F-Word

  1. Oh god some of those announcements are so bad!

    I also worried about being “that woman” who ruined someone’s day by posting a pregnancy announcement, but FB is our main communication with many of our friends and families, so we wanted to share the news with everyone. We also referenced our difficulties and made the announcement pretty tame, so I hope we didn’t hurt anyone.

    I’m so glad you’re feeling secure enough in your pregnancy to announce it, you certainly earned the right to post it!

  2. I’m so happy that you decided to announce it “publicly”. I have been trying to decide when to do it myself (since everyone is aware we were doing IVF anyway), and I think we decided to do it after our ultrasound this week. Crazy, huh? Congrats on making it to 9 weeks πŸ™‚

  3. You do deserve to have that FB announcement. Haven’t we already had so much robbed? Yes.. I do feel like there is no ‘safe’ time to announce either. Good for you! I think it’s wonderful. πŸ™‚

  4. Nine weeks is so great and why shouldn’t you announce it like everybody else? We are waiting till ten weeks tomorrow for family and twelve weeks for work because we have had so much bad news and miscarriages, we thought we better wait.

  5. Congrats for going public! Honestly, being an infertile that hasn’t had the luxury of going “public” with any pregnancy… I would be so happy and hopeful to see someone post a success on my fb. I’m just so glad you followed up with your struggles you have had because I really feel that more people are going thru infertility that don’t say anything and feel alone. Kudos and congrats to you both!

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