Only 16 days to go until my baseline appointment and first day of injections for my first IVF cycle. Only. But it feels like a lifetime. I’m so bored, not having to worry about ovulation and timing intercourse and waiting to test. I don’t quite know what to do with myself. Well, I know what I should be doing, like exercising, eating better, and meditating. But I’m not doing any of those things. If anything, I’m getting fatter and lazier. I’m so lazy, I can’t even be bothered to put together a coherent and meaningful blog post. These are a few of the random thoughts running through my head at the moment:
- I should ask my mom to come to the embryo transfer (the clinic is 3 hours away from our town). That way M can drive home to work the next day, and I can stay and rest for 48 hours (per the recommendation of the RE nurse) and have my mom drive me back.
- I can’t decide how much detail we should share publicly. Despite the (good) advice of other IFers on Twitter and the blogs, I still have a Facebook page. In addition to keeping up with family and friends, organizing get-togethers, and sharing thousands of cat photos, I use it to share information about infertility and miscarriage. I would love to continue educating people, and at the very least make others aware that it’s not so easy for some of us. The thing is, if I don’t share everything – how the medications affect my body and mind, what its like to get poked and prodded every other day for two weeks, the stress of balancing treatment with work, what happens during retrieval, fertilization, transfer, etc. – I won’t get my point across. I can’t just say, Hey, look! We’re doing IVF! and then It worked! or It didn’t work a few weeks later. It’s pretty much all or nothing. When I first started writing this, I thought I would end up on the side of “nothing,” but now that I’ve thought about it a bit more, I think I should just go all-in. I’ll stop short of posting videos of the injections, but the idea of sharing everything else is growing on me.
- I’m so worried that my ovaries are once again full of endometriosis. I can feel them doing something. Considering the fact that I barely ovulate on my own when I’m not on the pill, I highly doubt I’m ovulating now. But, there is a good chance that my endo is causing the sensations and mild pain. I worry how this will affect the outcome of IVF. Will they be able to retrieve any eggs if the endo is really bad?
- I think I’m going to cut my hair short again. (I warned you this would be random.) I like being able to throw my hair up in a ponytail when I don’t feel like styling it, but looking at photos of myself, the shorter hair is much cuter.
- Do I need to buy new clothes for my egg retrieval and embryo transfer? The nurse warned several times about perfumes and scented lotions and such. My perfume seems to stick around even after washing my clothes, so to be on the safe side, I should just buy new clothes, right?
- I wonder how bloated I’m going to get. I’ve seen photos of thin women with bloat the size of a 4-month baby bump. I’m already fat, so I know I won’t look pregnant, but how much fatter will I get and how long will it last? Should I buy new dress pants for work, or just use the belly bands I purchased when I was pregnant? Or will that be too much of a mindfuck?
- I’m considering taking off work for the entire week we expect to do retrieval and transfer. I don’t want to waste my precious PTO, but I think it will be easier not having to worry about work. Or maybe work would be a welcome distraction? Should I try working from home?
- Why is it so hard to make a damn decision?