Random Thoughts

Only 16 days to go until my baseline appointment and first day of injections for my first IVF cycle. Only. But it feels like a lifetime. I’m so bored, not having to worry about ovulation and timing intercourse and waiting to test. I don’t quite know what to do with myself. Well, I know what I should be doing, like exercising, eating better, and meditating. But I’m not doing any of those things. If anything, I’m getting fatter and lazier. I’m so lazy, I can’t even be bothered to put together a coherent and meaningful blog post. These are a few of the random thoughts running through my head at the moment:

  • I should ask my mom to come to the embryo transfer (the clinic is 3 hours away from our town). That way M can drive home to work the next day, and I can stay and rest for 48 hours (per the recommendation of the RE nurse) and have my mom drive me back.
  • I can’t decide how much detail we should share publicly. Despite the (good) advice of other IFers on Twitter and the blogs, I still have a Facebook page. In addition to keeping up with family and friends, organizing get-togethers, and sharing thousands of cat photos, I use it to share information about infertility and miscarriage. I would love to continue educating people, and at the very least make others aware that it’s not so easy for some of us. The thing is, if I don’t share everything – how the medications affect my body and mind, what its like to get poked and prodded every other day for two weeks, the stress of balancing treatment with work, what happens during retrieval, fertilization, transfer, etc. – I won’t get my point across. I can’t just say, Hey, look! We’re doing IVF! and then It worked! or It didn’t work a few weeks later. It’s pretty much all or nothing. When I first started writing this, I thought I would end up on the side of “nothing,” but now that I’ve thought about it a bit more, I think I should just go all-in. I’ll stop short of posting videos of the injections, but the idea of sharing everything else is growing on me.
  • I’m so worried that my ovaries are once again full of endometriosis. I can feel them doing something. Considering the fact that I barely ovulate on my own when I’m not on the pill, I highly doubt I’m ovulating now. But, there is a good chance that my endo is causing the sensations and mild pain. I worry how this will affect the outcome of IVF. Will they be able to retrieve any eggs if the endo is really bad?
  • I think I’m going to cut my hair short again. (I warned you this would be random.) I like being able to throw my hair up in a ponytail when I don’t feel like styling it, but looking at photos of myself, the shorter hair is much cuter.
  • Do I need to buy new clothes for my egg retrieval and embryo transfer? The nurse warned several times about perfumes and scented lotions and such. My perfume seems to stick around even after washing my clothes, so to be on the safe side, I should just buy new clothes, right?
  • I wonder how bloated I’m going to get. I’ve seen photos of thin women with bloat the size of a 4-month baby bump. I’m already fat, so I know I won’t look pregnant, but how much fatter will I get and how long will it last? Should I buy new dress pants for work, or just use the belly bands I purchased when I was pregnant? Or will that be too much of a mindfuck?
  • I’m considering taking off work for the entire week we expect to do retrieval and transfer. I don’t want to waste my precious PTO, but I think it will be easier not having to worry about work. Or maybe work would be a welcome distraction? Should I try working from home?
  • Why is it so hard to make a damn decision?

22 thoughts on “Random Thoughts

  1. From what I’ve heard and read, bed rest is really not required or needed after transfer despite many REs recommending it (mine didn’t). For me personally, it’s better to work as much as possible to keep my brain otherwise occupied. But whatever feels right to you will be best.
    Also…short hair is so much easier. I’m about to chop mine off as well.

  2. My thoughts:

    I think that it’s pretty awesome that you are thinking of sharing your IVF cycle and everything that is involved with friends and family. If part of the reason behind it is to educate, then I agree, you do have to basically show/tell everything.

    I wouldn’t worry about buying new clothes for your retrieval and transfer. They don’t want you putting anything of those things on your skin because they could harbor germs. If your clothes are clean then I wouldn’t worry about it.

    I did end up buying one pair of pants that were not fitted for after the retrieval. They were much more comfortable and I ended up wearing them early on in the pregnancy as well.

    I wouldn’t take the entire week off if you don’t have a lot of PTO. Work will be a good distraction and there is no medical reason for it.

    • Thanks for your insight! I will definitely have to take some PTO that week, since each trip to the clinic takes 6 hours (round trip). I think I’ll ask my boss if I can work from home that week. He knows about our IVF, and is supportive, so I think he’ll be okay with it.

  3. I agree its awesome you are open to the idea of sharing everything. If you want to share but don’t want to overload people on facebook, maybe you could have a more public blog (l assume this one isn’t totally public)? You could post the links on facebook, so people would have the details if they wanted them but not be overloaded. Just an idea. However you do it is awesome, taking one for the rest of us who don’t have the balls to be public :).

  4. It think it’s great that you’re thinking about sharing with others. We’ll do a Christmas card this year and I’ve been debating in my head whether or not we should include an update that also talks about our fertility struggles. Still debating. I gained about 5 lbs after my two IVF. During the stim period, my abdomen area was very bloated. I wore pants that I already owned but that limited to elastic ones. In fact, I don’t feel comfortable wearing my favorite jeans anymore. I am still bugged about the 5 lbs. I also took a week off during the week that I did my retrieval (and the potential transfer that never happened) just because I had vacation time plus it felt better for myself to not have to rush everywhere. My next retrieval/transfer period should be during the Thanksgiving week so I might do the same thing. AND, I am all for a nice haircut and new clothes!

    • That is a tough decision about the Christmas letter. My opinion: go for it. I know people typically focus on the good things when they write holiday updates, but life isn’t all roses and puppies for everyone. Not that you should only be “woe is me!” in your letter, but there is nothing wrong with letting them know that life hasn’t been completely kind or easy. You can ask for extra prayers, if your friends and family are the praying type. I know it’s a deeply personal and difficult decision to make, deciding to put it out there for all to know.

  5. My 2 cents 🙂
    I say share what you want. I think it is wonderful that you are considering it. I wish someone had shared with me years ago.
    I also say buy that new outfit. Blame it on the perfume, or whatever, but go ahead & buy it! You deserve it! I bought IVF sweatpants. I wore them to retreival & still wear them every night at home. I went one size too big which has been a blessing due to the bloating. A lot of bloating. And after you get your bfp, the constipation could cause even more bloating. (tmi?)
    Last, I say take off as much time as you think you will want. I personally took the day of retrieval & only worked about 2 hours the next day. I welcomed the distraction. But everyone is different.
    These are not easy decisions. (except the clothes, buy the clothes)
    Good luck to you! I will be thinking of you!

  6. I just got done with a retrieval myself, and I must say, go for the new outfit. I’m so bloated, even after the retrieval, that all I can manage is leggings and baggy sweaters. I blame it on my endo flaring up with all the drugs. My endometrioma grew quite a bit during this process. Best of luck to you!!!

  7. The waiting can be one of the most difficult parts of the journey your in. Please have someone go with you it does make a difference. Don’t worry about the public and helping right now. Every ounce of energy needs to be for you, the transfer and more waiting. You can share everything later. You won’t forget a thing.

    • Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! My husband will definitely be there, but since his work schedule isn’t very flexible, he won’t be able to stay overnight with me after the transfer. I guess I wasn’t planning to be public about our IVF for the support, although I could always use extra. I’d like for our friends and family to go on the journey with us, and not just read an account of it afterwards.

  8. I share a lot on my blog. But I also haven’t told anyone on my family about my blog, so that makes it easier to share! I can get all my emotions out there!

    I was definitely bloated while taking the meds for the ER. I felt really uncomfortable. But getting new clothes might also be nice, just for a change and a mental boost. I’m not sure if it’s bad to have smell on your clothes, though. I think that’s just for your body. For the ER, you’ll be in a gown not your clothes, so I think you’d be safe.

    • Just like lots of women buy new funky socks or slippers for ER and ET, I think it would be nice to buy a whole new (comfy) outfit, even if it’s just for the mental boost. 🙂

Talk to Me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s