Specifically, I hate never having enough. Okay, we have enough to live comfortably, but not enough to live comfortably and add another member to our family. I can’t begin to express how angry and sad it makes me that money (or lack thereof) may prevent us from becoming parents. It’s just. so. wrong. But it is what it is, and I have to deal with it. I’ll whine all day long about it, though.
Over the last few days, I’ve spent hours on the phone and emailing with my insurance company and clinic to figure out just how much this one IVF cycle will set us back. It’s remarkably difficult to come up with an accurate number, mostly due to the fact that it’s impossible to know exactly which medications and how much I will need until we actually start this whole process. I have a pretty good idea – I think. And I think we can swing it with the little cash we have on hand. Our clinic is willing to work with us to set up a payment plan for any charges not covered by insurance, so that will be a big help.
As a back up, I called my credit card company to see if I could get a modest increase in our credit limit. Two questions and 30 seconds later, I was approved for more than double what I had expected. Now, I’m not talking tens of thousands of dollars – the total limit is still probably fairly modest compared to most people – but it’s the highest I’ve ever had. I’m happy we have it as a last resort method of payment, but I still have a knot in my stomach about it.
You see, I haven’t always been the most responsible person when it comes to money. I’ve repaired all the financial damage I did in college and graduate school, but it took a long time. It’s not something I want to do again. Ever. All this stressing out over money the last few days has left me feeling sick to my stomach.