Do you remember how I said we would never refer to ourselves as “mommy” and “daddy” to our cats? (Read this for a refresher.) Well, M has taken to calling me “mommy,” and baby-talking to the kittens. It doesn’t make me retch, like I thought it would. It makes me incredibly sad. He has all this dad energy just waiting to be let out.
The other day, I talked to my therapist about how M and I don’t really talk about our feelings when it comes to infertility. The truth is, I’m afraid to hear him say that it makes him sad, that he feels the same things I do – anger, jealousy, fear, inadequacy, etc. I’m afraid, because, even though I know it’s not my fault we can’t get pregnant, I would still feel responsible for those terrible feelings. That’s messed up, right? I should want him to feel the same way, to validate my feelings and to make me feel less alone. And he deserves to have his feelings validated, too. I realize now that I’m being quite selfish keeping everything to myself and not making him open up more to me.