A Tiny Epiphany

Do you remember how I said we would never refer to ourselves as “mommy” and “daddy” to our cats? (Read this for a refresher.) Well, M has taken to calling me “mommy,” and baby-talking to the kittens. It doesn’t make me retch, like I thought it would. It makes me incredibly sad. He has all this dad energy just waiting to be let out.

The other day, I talked to my therapist about how M and I don’t really talk about our feelings when it comes to infertility. The truth is, I’m afraid to hear him say that it makes him sad, that he feels the same things I do – anger, jealousy, fear, inadequacy, etc. I’m afraid, because, even though I know it’s not my fault we can’t get pregnant, I would still feel responsible for those terrible feelings. That’s messed up, right? I should want him to feel the same way, to validate my feelings and to make me feel less alone. And he deserves to have his feelings validated, too. I realize now that I’m being quite selfish keeping everything to myself and not making him open up more to me.

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9 thoughts on “A Tiny Epiphany

  1. If it makes you feel any better, Keegan and I call ourselves “mommy” and “daddy” when referring to the cats and call the cats our “kids.”

    I know what you mean when you say, “I’m afraid, because, even though I know it’s not my fault we can’t get pregnant, I would still feel responsible for those terrible feelings.” There have been a few times when Keegan has expressed anger about a FB friend become pregnant yet again, or sadness when I have to tell him that yet another cycle failed. Even though he has never come out and said that he blames me for this mess, it still hurts knowing that he would most likely not have to go through this if he had married someone else. I know he doesn’t fault me, but it’s really hard not to fault myself.

    Hang in there girl, it’s a tough journey, but you’re a badass and will make it through 😀

  2. You are a strong woman, it is not your fault that this is happening to you. He is keeping in his emotions for the same reason you are, not to stress your partner out.

    I wish I could say that all this is to prepare you for something bigger and better but I don’t want to give the same old cliche’ sayings we hear everyday. It’s not fair. You are an amazing, caring person and I wish the best for you two.

  3. Men never talk about how they feel. The few times my hubby has mentioned his TTC feelings I have also been shocked he feels the same as me, I think we just forget they r human too, they seem such strange creatures at times it’s easy to forget. Our problem is male factor so I worry a lot hubby has lots of hidden guilt!!!! Blogging is good for me coz I like to vent on here 80% of the time and talk the other 20% to hubby. I reckon that would b about the same % of willingness to open up and talk men vs women.

    • I definitely reveal much more in my blog than I ever do to anyone in real life. I share some with my best friend, some with M, some with my family…. But most of it here.

  4. My husband hardly talks either. And when he does it hurts. It hurts to see him sad. As much as I get annoyed when I’m sad and he looks totally fine, I don’t like to see him sad. But I think talking about it every now and then helps. Big hug!

  5. Pingback: On Men & Cats | Fox In the Hen House

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