If you follow me on Twitter, you already know that the IUI was a bust.
The morning before I tested, I had a series of dreams (4 or 5) in which I tested and got a positive. In most of them, M and I were so happy, we cried big, body-shaking sobs of pure joy. Needless to say, I was especially devastated when the cold reality of a stark white negative test was staring me in the face.
How? How could I not be pregnant when I had two eggs ready to go and M’s super-sperm got that huge assist from the medical staff? I know there are a million other things that have to line up just so in order for pregnancy to happen, but I’m still frustrated and angry that this didn’t work. I’m now worried that my egg quality is too low, but there’s no way to know for sure until we try IVF.
We are scheduled to take an IVF orientation class next week, the first step of the process for our clinic. After the class, one of the nurses will put us on the schedule and put together my calendar of medications and monitoring appointments. At this clinic, they do egg retrieval and transfers just one week a month, so there are a limited number of slots each month. We may have to wait until December or even January for our turn. I’m usually a fairly patient person, but this will be a challenge.
Since this is new territory for us, I plan to bury myself in research to learn as much as I can about the process and what I can to do optimize our chances. One of my first goals is to meet with a dietician to get myself on a more healthy track and to lose some weight quickly (but safely). Fortunately, my clinic does not have a weight requirement, but I know our chances are better if I drop more than a few pounds. I’m also curious about supplements to (maybe) improve egg quality. I’ve already contact my clinic about that.
So, even while I’m still upset that the IUI didn’t work, I’m actually looking forward to this next step. I’m scared that we’ll find out my eggs just aren’t good enough, but mostly I’m pretty hopeful that IVF will be our golden ticket to finally having a baby. I haven’t felt authentic hope in quite some time. That alone is a little scary.