Pain. Constant pain. It’s not the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, but the constancy of it is really starting to get to me. I don’t know how people with chronic pain do this every day, knowing there may never be an end to it. I’ve been lucky with my endometriosis, which causes me extreme pain for just one or two days a month, and mild-moderate pain for another 5-6. I know many women who suffer with severe pain almost every day.
This pain I know will end. Knowing that is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind. Sometimes I think the pain is getting better, but other times I’m not so sure. Sometimes it seems like the worst pain is in my jaw joints and the back of my tongue, rather than the throat itself. Other times, the pain in my throat is searing, as if I swallowed hot shards of glass. All this, even though I thought I was doing a good job of staying on top of the pain, taking my Lortab elixir faithfully every 4 hours.
Unfortunately, my appetite seems to be coming back. I say unfortunate, because it hurts like hell when I swallow, no matter how cold or soothing the substance. My stomach growls, but filling it up means more pain. I try to eat when I have the least amount of pain, but swallowing only makes things worse, makes the wait until my next dose seem even longer. Forget about enjoying food, not even ice cream. My goal is maximum staying power, minimal pain. My taste buds are on vacation, thankfully. Of course, that doesn’t prevent me from daydreaming about all-you-can eat sushi.