Since the past week has been so emotionally draining, I won’t even attempt a coherent, well-thought-out post. Instead, here are a few random thoughts and updates:
- In an effort to open up more to my mom about the crapfest that is infertility, I managed to squeak out “It’s just really hard.” I’m great at explaining procedures and tests, and outlining our plans for IUI and IVF, but when it comes to talking about how much it hurts, I suck. On the plus side, I shared several things on Facebook about the emotional impact of infertility, which I know my mom read. I think she gets it–she’s intuitive in that way–but it’s still important to me to be able to verbalize my feelings with her. It’s a work in progress.
- I’ve been practicing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help deal more effectively with negative emotions. I first learned about it from Sarah Holland over at FertileMindset. You may know EFT as “tapping.” It uses points on the body that are linked to the same meridians or energy pathways used in acupuncture. Tapping can help with a wide range of emotional issues, such as PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), phobias, and stress. You can read more about it at FertileMindset, and check out some of Sarah’s videos on how to use EFT for fertility. I had my doubts at first, but I’ve found that tapping helps diffuse some of my negative emotions before they explode. I strongly recommend it for everyone. It only takes a few minutes to learn and can be applied to just about any aspect of your life. In fact, one of Sarah’s videos shows her using EFT with her 2 year old son in order to help him sleep better.
- At the recommendation of a fellow infertility blogger, Thumbalina (her blog is Stalking the Stork), I’ve started reading the book The Buddha Walks into a Bar. It’s perfect for someone who is spiritual but not necessarily religious. This quote from the introduction to the book sums it up nicely:
“This isn’t your grandmother’s book on meditation. It’s for you. That is, assuming you like to have a beer once in a while, enjoy sex, have figured out that your parents are crazy, or get frustrated at work. It’s a book that doesn’t put Buddhism on some pedestal so that you have to look up to it. It’s about looking at all the book and crannies of your life and applying Buddhist teachings to them, no matter how messy that may be.”
- I am eerily calm about this break cycle. To be honest, it wasn’t a total break, just a break from meds. I did use OPKs, and, while we did manage to have decent timing, there was no pressure to have sex. Even though I’ve heard dozens of stories of women who got pregnant on break cycles, I harbor no illusions, no hope, that it will happen to us. I fully expect to move forward with IUI in June, and IVF after that.
- The husband and I are still doing well after our talk last week. We haven’t had any more big conversations, other than to confirm our plan for IUI in June and IVF after that. We haven’t decided on how many rounds of IVF we might do–that will depend on the cost and how we feel about it after one. We do know that IVF is the end of the road; we won’t be pursuing adoption.