Since the past week has been so emotionally draining, I won’t even attempt a coherent, well-thought-out post. Instead, here are a few random thoughts and updates:

  • In an effort to open up more to my mom about the crapfest that is infertility, I managed to squeak out “It’s just really hard.” I’m great at explaining procedures and tests, and outlining our plans for IUI and IVF, but when it comes to talking about how much it hurts, I suck. On the plus side, I shared several things on Facebook about the emotional impact of infertility, which I know my mom read. I think she gets it–she’s intuitive in that way–but it’s still important to me to be able to verbalize my feelings with her. It’s a work in progress.
  • I’ve been practicing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help deal more effectively with negative emotions. I first learned about it from Sarah Holland over at FertileMindset. You may know EFT as “tapping.” It uses points on the body that are linked to the same meridians or energy pathways used in acupuncture. Tapping can help with a wide range of emotional issues, such as PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), phobias, and stress. You can read more about it at FertileMindset, and check out some of Sarah’s videos on how to use EFT for fertility. I had my doubts at first, but I’ve found that tapping helps diffuse some of my negative emotions before they explode. I strongly recommend it for everyone. It only takes a few minutes to learn and can be applied to just about any aspect of your life. In fact, one of Sarah’s videos shows her using EFT with her 2 year old son in order to help him sleep better.
  • At the recommendation of a fellow infertility blogger, Thumbalina (her blog is Stalking the Stork), I’ve started reading the book The Buddha Walks into a Bar. It’s perfect for someone who is spiritual but not necessarily religious. This quote from the introduction to the book sums it up nicely:

“This isn’t your grandmother’s book on meditation. It’s for you. That is, assuming you like to have a beer once in a while, enjoy sex, have figured out that your parents are crazy, or get frustrated at work. It’s a book that doesn’t put Buddhism on some pedestal so that you have to look up to it. It’s about looking at all the book and crannies of your life and applying Buddhist teachings to them, no matter how messy that may be.”

  • I am eerily calm about this break cycle. To be honest, it wasn’t a total break, just a break from meds. I did use OPKs, and, while we did manage to have decent timing, there was no pressure to have sex. Even though I’ve heard dozens of stories of women who got pregnant on break cycles, I harbor no illusions, no hope, that it will happen to us. I fully expect to move forward with IUI in June, and IVF after that. 
  • The husband and I are still doing well after our talk last week. We haven’t had any more big conversations, other than to confirm our plan for IUI in June and IVF after that. We haven’t decided on how many rounds of IVF we might do–that will depend on the cost and how we feel about it after one. We do know that IVF is the end of the road; we won’t be pursuing adoption.

5 thoughts on “Randomness

  1. I will totally check out the stuff about EFT. There’s basically a stream of negative thoughts running through my head at any given time. Oh and I love your attitude during the “break.” That’s one thing I’m discovering after my miscarriage… I actually want to have fun again! I don’t want to be this stress ball that ONLY talks about conception, my window of conception, etc. etc. when trying to get my husband in the mood. Not only does it not get HIM in the mood, but it kills mine as well. Cheers to ENJOYING life and everything that comes with it, DESPITE infertility!

  2. I am really intrigued by the idea of EFT. Thanks for sharing!

    I hear you on the ‘break’ being somehow liberating. Ever since we started to pursue IVF, even though it’s not likely to happen for another 5-6 months, I somehow just convinced myself that it doesn’t really matter how we go about pursuing things on our own…Even though we timed it more or less right and a used OPKs, I’m not holding out hope, so I’m not symptom spotting and thus not driving myself crazy and building myself up for a HUGE let down. It’s nice to have a break.

    Glad to hear that you’re making progress in all your relationships! The toll of IF/loss are bigger than we often realise, and it takes work. Hang in there.

  3. I will definitely read about EFT & tapping. Sounds interesting– thanks for sharing! I’m glad you’re feeling calm about taking a break. A break isn’t really all that helpful unless you can enjoy it a little and relax!

  4. I haven’t quite reached your zen-like state on the whole “break” cycle thing. (Pressure-free sex? What’s that?) I’m still half-hoping we’ll end up being that couple–you know, the one that everyone has heard of but no one actually knows.

    Also, that book sounds awesome. I’ll have to check it out.

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