Pity Party, Table for One

I was hoping to write a very different kind of post this morning, but my body had different plans, it seems. Yet another negative pregnancy test. Cycle #too-many-to-count was a failure.

All I want to do is call in sick and watch sappy movies while crying into my Ben and Jerry’s. But I don’t have any sick leave, because last year’s ruptured cyst, laparoscopic surgery, and the flu left me in the negative. I can’t wallow in self pity and go to bed early tonight, because we have dinner plans with friends. And I can’t sleep in early tomorrow and spend the day unshowered watching Star Trek, because my little sister and I are shopping for my older sister’s birthday party. She’ll be 40 next week. I’m not far behind. Yet another reminder that the clock is ticking.

Next week we meet with the RE to discuss IVF. It’s basically an reconnaissance mission to gather information before deciding our next move. This means some seriously deep soul-searching conversations are just days away.

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13 thoughts on “Pity Party, Table for One

  1. I’m sorry. The clock is ticking, but there is still time. Take it from me – baby #1 at 35, baby #2 at 37. My friend started IVF at 37 and had baby #1 at 38, and baby #2 at 40. It will be OK, but I know it sucks. It’s scary.

  2. I’m so sorry. I am right in the same place, negative HPTs and waiting for Day One. Again.
    This was my last cycle before my 38th birthday, so we too are at a critical juncture with now-or-never IVF on the horizon. I wish you peace as you work through those soul-searching discussions. You’re not alone.

  3. Oh Kitten. I’m so sorry. It’s such a sickening feeling, to look down at the one-lined test. Hate hate hate. Here’s hoping that IVF (if you chose to go that direction) does the trick.

  4. Ugh, I’m sorry! I wish you could just stay home and sulk. I wish the world understood more of what it was like to see a single line after trying for months/years. People call in my work because they tripped over a dog, or they had a cough, or their back hurt….ya? Well my UTERUS broke! Maybe they won’t even ask questions? Especially if you tell them with an encrazed voice?
    If you get a chance to pick up “The Buddha walks into a bar”, it really has helped me in the midst of this bitter journey to stay focused and calm (which I thought would be an impossible mission). Sorry again for your day 😦

  5. Oh Kitten, I’m so sorry for your disappointment. I always plan to at least work from home on beta day so I don’t have to be in public when I get the bad news, sorry you have to paste on a smile and keep going.

    I’d like to offer myself as a multi-cycle IVF patient resource if you have any questions you want to ask as you consider moving forward with IVF. I’ll be starting my 5th cycle as soon as I’m feeling ready for it so I kind of have this process down pretty well. There’s also a resource website that I recommend called Fertile Thoughts if you’re not already aware of it. If you want to email or talk just send me some contact info as a comment on my blog… I promise I won’t post it 😉

  6. I’m so sorry to hear this. I know how you must feel today. The healing power of pizza & a bottle of wine should not be underestimated. As my husband always says after my TWW, “You’ll get ’em next time!”

  7. I’m so sorry to hear. I’m sure you’ve alerady done your research but I’d like to offer myself too as information resource for IVF. I hope you can get some rest over the week-end end at least.

  8. so, so sorry- and sorry too that you can’t get in the wallowing that you both need and want. I’m smack in the middle of the two-week-wait, convinced at every turn that i’m soon to get another negative and trying unsuccessfully to quiet my hopes. take care of yourself and know you’re not alone on this wild journey.

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