I’ve always known that my grandmother had a stillborn son. The baby boy who would have been my uncle – only 8 years my senior – was stillborn. The autopsy didn’t reveal anything useful, but that was 1969, so it could have been something that would detectable today. He was her last birth, but not her last loss. In fact, I learned just today that my grandma had a miscarriage while my mother was pregnant with my older sister in 1972, and another years before that, before my youngest aunt was born.
My grandma died in 1998, long before I even dreamed of having kids of my own. Even before my miscarriage, I missed her like crazy, but now, I miss her even more. Don’t get me wrong: My mom has been awesome through all this crap. I couldn’t ask for a more supportive, loving mother. But she’s never known loss or infertility. I would give anything to be able to talk to my grandma about her experiences and how she survived.