Here We Go Again

Well, I tested this morning… Big. Fat. Negative. This was my first cycle on Femara and a trigger shot with timed intercourse. I ended up having to take 2 rounds of Femara, because I didn’t respond very well to the first one. But, other than that, things went well. We had great timing, and I was feeling pretty positive. Until today.

Until a few minutes ago, I was so sure that today’s BFN would turn into a BFP tomorrow. You see, I’m not spotting or cramping the way I usually do by this time. Today, I’m about 13 dpo (14 days past trigger). I usually get my period on day 13, after several days of spotting. So, the fact that I haven’t had any spotting is very encouraging. Plus, I had what very well could have been implantation spotting a few days ago (it’s rare, yes, but the timing was perfect). Of course, the medications change things, so I can’t really use past cycles as a guidepost.

A few minutes ago, the spotting began. And a little cramping. I know that doesn’t necessarily mean that this cycle is a bust, but I’m pretty sure it is. I can feel my hormones plummeting and taking my sense of self-worth along with them.Tomorrow I get to make the call to my RE’s office to let them know that it’s on to the next cycle. Tomorrow I get to stock up on chocolate and wine, put the heating pad and Percocet on my nightstand, and cry until I throw up. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ve gotten a head start on the crying part. I’d be half way through a bottle of wine by now, too, if we had any.

I try to remind myself that these things take time. We may have been trying for 2 years, but this is only my first cycle on the new medications. My brilliant RE will make adjustments to my medications, run a few more tests, and talk me out of my pity-party. She’ll make me believe that this next one will work. I know I’ll come out of this once again feeling optimistic. But I’m not looking forward to the next few dark days.

5 thoughts on “Here We Go Again

  1. I can’t believe your hubs forgot to stop by the liquor store. WTH!? He’s fired.
    Just kidding.
    I think.
    Hugs and hope you feel better soon.

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