Thanks for Nothing, Hormones

Every woman experiences the roller coaster of emotions that is the menstrual cycle. You can’t escape it. Some barely notice it or cope with it better than others. For the TTCer, especially for the long-term TTCer and TTCALer (trying to conceive after a loss), those emotions are amplified by the unbearable desire to be pregnant.

Right now, I’m at the “winter” part of the cycle, when progesterone and estrogen plummet. I’m tired, I want to cry, I can’t concentrate. I’m starting to doubt this baby thing will ever happen for us. I’m planning for my period… I always plan for her, but it still hurts when she arrives (physically and emotionally). Last night I dreamed of a nice, blaringly positive pregnancy test… I always do at this point in my cycle. I also dreamed that a mother refused to let me hold her baby (everyone else got a turn), because she was afraid my infertility disease would spread. It was horrible.

So, here I am, trying to turn those negative thoughts into positive ones. And failing miserably. Stupid hormones.

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